The Reason Revolution

We have a limited time on this Earth in the grand scheme of things, and we never know when that time is going to be up. Knowing that, what way of living would make the most sense? Should you spend your life being miserable or to spend it being joyful? I would argue that unless you have some kind of severe brain damage or derangement you’d most likely choose the latter. Curiously, society at large has chosen the former unfortunately. I realized it wasn’t just me who had negative thoughts and limiting beliefs keeping me stuck and not moving anywhere in my life. I wanted to see if there was some underlying reason to it. I found several reasons and most of them have to do with past trauma and looking at things from a very myopic, winner-take-all perspective. For a lot of people, as sad as it seems, one big psychological (mostly negative) event happens in our lives and it often ends up lingering in the back of our minds. When we see that we are lost or confused and we don’t like where we are, we point to that event or series of events to absolve ourselves from moving forward in life even though we may fantasize about the day we actually did move forward. This can become a positive feedback loop of negativity where for some strange reason we think that obsessing over the event and getting closure for them will get us to where we want to go. Being trapped in this endless cycle means that we end up missing the opportunities right in front of us. So there are serious opportunity costs when we are too attached to the past and can’t let it go to plan for a better future.

A Vicious Mental Cycle

That being said, you may be wondering how a person becomes addicted to their unhappiness. Often it’s because that unhappiness is “comfortable.” The person has been used to being unhappy for so long that they’ve forgotten what it felt like to let go of that and just live another day as if it’s a fresh new one. People get accustomed to a set cycle that goes on during certain days. They don’t see it as frightening or abnormal because that’s just what has been happening. When people who are trapped in this mindset experience difficulties, they just look at them as burdens to be dealt with rather than opportunities to grow. For them, it’s a burden mindset (which I’ll admit I had) and not an opportunity mindset and they end up feeling trapped with no hope of escape. There’s a feeling inside of you that the cards are stacked against you and the game is rigged. It becomes easier to fall prey to confirmation bias where every seemingly negative event justifies and reinforces your mindset. That’s often followed by righteous indignation, and you fecklessly shake your fist at whatever insidious thing (government, society, school, city council, or corporation) is rigging this game against you. I really don’t blame you or any other person in that situation for having that feeling because it may even be true that the game is rigged. However, keep in mind that there are still ways to win in a rigged game and you can even come up with your own strategy to unrig it. The unfortunate thing is with the victim mindset taking ahold of you and being so prominent, it’ll muddy the waters when you want to think of a creative and/or logical plan to unrig this game and win it. Now if you can understand this part then I’d like to give you reason for why this happens and tips on how I think you can navigate yourself into a new, opportunity-centric mindset.

Looking for a Hero

When I was younger, I remember watching many movies where the hero was wronged, betrayed, or cheated but ended up getting what he/she deserved at the end of it. Eventually, I came to look at myself as the hero of my own movie and was convinced that I’d get my happy ending. Starting in my early to mid-twenties, I quickly found out that life was not a movie, not even close. Things weren’t going the way I thought they would but then I saw prominent public figures sharing stories about overcoming their adversities and felt inspired. I had a couple of ideas on how to change the world for the better and tried reaching out to these prominent public figures but often I usually would not get a response. I was looking to others to save me from what I’d been going through because I thought that those people had the power to do it. However, what I didn’t realize at that time was that I had to look on the inside, not on the outside.

Altering Your Perspective

People can become addicted to airing their grievances, which can in turn spread like a contagion. The desire to be validated and acknowledged when you feel slighted or wronged is a strong one. The difference between those who are successful and those who are stuck in this mindset is getting past those feelings and shifting their focus to problem-solving and solution-creating. What you focus on expands and reinforces itself. Therefore, when you’re focused on a victim mentality instead of one that’s about fixing and alleviating problems, you end up letting negativity cloud your judgement. I’ve seen this happen not only with individuals but within communities, couples (especially after divorce) social classes, ages, and even entire countries.

Seeing the Larger Problem

Now that we’ve established the mindsets, let’s discuss the dynamics of how victim mentalities play out on a systemic scale. To take an example, whether in your neighborhood or online, you’ll find many niche communities talking about specific niche subjects. On the surface these communities may seem totally innocuous but, in my estimation, most of them have a dark, cultish underbelly where certain orthodoxies can’t be challenged. If you dare to challenge these orthodoxies, you’ll become a heretic to be exiled and ridiculed. This ostracization tends to happen in opinionated and polarized communities (especially political or cultural) where there is a strongly held collective victim mentality that feeds on itself. These groups are essentially “pity parties” that are driven by people who dwell on the past and feel resentment towards a group or institution that they feel has committed unforgivable offenses against them. In order for these communities to hold together, their perceived injustices have to be constantly spoken about and actively fought against. They are driven negativity and fighting against what they feel is wrong instead of working together to bring about positive change. Imagine if instead the collective mind shifted to seek out positive change and create a future where people can be happy. How would that play itself out among the overall atmosphere of the collective? Is such a thing even possible in this day and age where we have such a strong outrage culture?

Blowing off Steam

A hallmark of this outrage culture is the use of catharsis as a means of dealing with negative emotions. Catharsis is a quick and convenient method, albeit not always the most constructive one. My personal catharsis usually starts with constructing the case for why I feel the way I feel, then sharing my story, and then getting validation by sharing my story with those who can empathize with me. This approach sometimes backfired when I felt that people weren’t really “getting it”. The worst feeling is when you are trying to communicate your feelings with others who respond with apathy or, even worse, try to downplay your frustrations and traumas. This ends up strengthening the negative emotions you were hoping to release. However, even when it goes right, catharsis isn’t necessary to move on but it does help you grieve. The problem arises when you feel stuck and unhappy but you dwell on those feelings instead of trying to find solutions.

Swimming Against the Tide

Thinking constructively can be a challenge though so don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t come intuitively. This is because society programs you for the victim mentality and, as I mentioned above, there are many communities that thrive on it. Whenever your mind gets lured into the seductive trance of the victim mentality, you have to catch it in the act and focus your mental bandwidth on solution-oriented ideas (because the victim mentality isn’t paying your rent). Be mindful that you can’t keep thinking about the unfairness of the past while the problems of the present are piling up because sooner or later you’ll be overwhelmed. At the same time understand that if hard times are your only focus, try to remember that the more positive energy you put out there the more will come back to you (the same is true in terms of negative energy).

Towards a Better Future

One area in which we’re seeing a new positive and constructive force for social change emerge is, surprisingly enough, in American politics. We are starting to see a shift from dogmatism and political tribalism to pragmatism, centrism and solution-building. The traditional political groups have a lot of influence and power. The more these groups can divide and conquer the more power they’ll have and I for one think it’s time we stand against them and liberate ourselves. One presidential candidate that I’m seeing coming up with solutions and not just focusing on rage, hate, and frustration is Andrew Yang. Whether or not you agree with his politics, Yang has started a new type of political movement focused on bridging the wide political gap in America and coming up with real solutions rather than rehashing the same old tired partisan mantras.

Starting the Reason Revolution

Watching Yang’s speeches, I think back to when I wrote my article about Trump and the forgotten people of America. This was when I was still in the polarization stage of my life. For decades, the American political climate has been highly partisan and polarized. People didn’t like Bush so they voted for Obama, who they thought would be the opposite. Then people didn’t like Obama so they voted for Trump. Throughout all of that, all I saw was dogma, victim mentalities, polarizations, and dark underbellies play themselves out with nothing to come out of it but finger pointing and an even bigger political divide. I think many would argue that we have had a very disappointing 19 years in which solutions and problem-solving could have and should have been focused on but instead we saw finger pointing, name calling, and victim mentalities run amok. I also think it’s high time for a reason revolution where the answer to the first question I posed would be living life joyfully. For that we need understanding and critical thinking (not just about politics but the lives we want to personally live) or we’ll be doomed to victim mentalities. Yang really struck a chord with me when he said that people are getting sick and tired of cults of personality and empty symbolism. Figures in government and the media have hijacked our narrative and let a loud minority co-opt the will of the people. Whether Yang makes it as President or not is to be determined. One thing I do know is that I can initiate the reason revolution inside of myself and be a guiding light for those who are ready and willing to do the same and move their lives forward in a positive direction.